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    Life is beautiful. I realized as I started this year just how much my life is like I always envisioned it. I am an ordinary guy with a decent job, dating, making friends and just being that person that was always crying out to be released for 43 years of my life. It really is amazing. If you gave a person a costume and told them they had to wear it the rest of their life and act like whatever that costume represented, it would create major havoc in their lives. Imagine dressing up like a clown, so no one would ever know what you really looked like, you could only communicate in in clown, not being able to act or talk or be what you really felt like. That's kinda how I equate it. To finally throw off the costume is the most freeing thing ever. What people take for granted is a daily joy to me. Of all this, I think the ability to really enjoy every day is a fair trade off. There is so very little I take for granted. Well, maybe not. I still wish I could approach a woman with out worrying or thinking of what's in my pants, or what's not....

Not much new on the T* front. Still love playing with my 'stache. Still love shaving, even though it is a pain. I don't shave on weekends and I love how fast and dark the hairs grow by Monday morning. Major hairs in the sink on Mondays...LOL

    Seems all I talk about and see is darkening facial hairs, but they aren't traveling down to my jaw line yet. Is this ever gonna happen??????
    I started letting my sideburns grow. I started over the weekend, and by monday I felt comfortable not shaving them. Finally they are dark and hard enough to not make me look like a kid trying to grow them. I have manly sideburns!!!
    Actually have started letting all my facial hair, except under my chin grow. The effect is like mutton chops. It really looks kinda cool. I know, muttonchops are outdated, but damn it I don't care, I just love having a partially hairy face. The girls at work are nice about it, they have commented on them, so either they look okay, or they are just being nice. I don't care. I love them. Mom hates them, but then she hates facial hair period, so I take that as a compliment.
    Man, got laid off for the first time in my life, from a job I really loved. It had gotten harder lately, and I was the target of sabotage by the woman I hired to take over payroll, so I could concentrate on HR. Things were tense sometimes, but I really loved putting on a shirt and tie and walking into an office with my name on it and knowing I was doing really good work.

Been studying Tao and some other stuff, and it really helped with keeping my head on straight. The company closed several branches and went from 250 people to 60 in two months, so that helped me mentally, too.

My 'chops are pretty thick now, not really thick but nicely so.

    2 or 3 more chin hairs, but thats it. Job hunting sucks.
    Nothing much, still love facial hair and trimming my 'chops. Feel like I hit another plateau.
    till on that damned plateau. Nothing new. Well actually I have noticed some dark hairs starting to fur out around by nips. Looks pretty funny on those bags hanging there. But at least I know I will eventually have chest hair. The dark mat on my stomach has somewhat disappeared. The hairs are still there, just not as dark as they were about a year ago. What's up with that???
    Life just took a major downturn. I ran out of T* my last shot early in the month, and with no money and no insurance, I can't go to the doc, and she won't prescribe unless I get a physical. Well, I just gotta get some cash saved up, her visits are expensive and the tests she insists on are even worse.

Finally got on unemployment, at least it pays the bills barely. I am so far behind in rent and other stuff it will be awhile before I can breathe comfortably again. Oh well, onward and upward...

    Got a part time job to help with the money situation. Shaved my chops, as the hair was seeming to get softer and lighter. First effects of no T* for a month I guess.
    Lack of T* is ravaging my bod. My clothes don't fit, binding barely works as my chest has become much fuller. Being heavier than I ever was doesn't help. It's a struggle to keep my spirits up sometimes. I have been really moody, and recognize some of the old stuff I used to do when I was depressed. I am determined not to go that way again. The only good thing is a girl at work who was ignoring me is now flirting pretty majorly, lots of touching and innuendo. She is married, so I am not gonna touch it, but damn, she is the hottest girl I have ever met, and to have her come on to me is about the greatest feeling. Man she is so beautiful and hot. UM, UM, Ummmmm.
    Christmas was great, family was really much cooler than any other year. Except for my one sis, who still doesn't use Devin that much, everybody was pretty easy with the he's and him's and my name. My sister is way cooler though about the whole thing, no more remarks about this being a fad or wrong, or stupid etc. I actually felt very easy being around them again, and they were obviously easy around me.

One major setback, I had cramps and stuff for days... I feel like a part of me died.

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