Thanksgiving .... even in hard times
Whew what a month. I am exhausted. I am happy. I am discontent. I am energized. I am.
The month started off with a kick in the teeth. I was living in a wonderful house with the same people I had lived with for the last year. We all got along, respected each other, and basically just left each other alone. Well our landlord installed a new manager in our midst and life became hell. A sick and miserable, needy bastard who spent all his lonely hours getting into our lives and disrupting them. After two months of coming home and locking myself away to avoid him, I finally became very rude to him when he disturbed me. He got one guy tossed out. I was next. The timing sucked. I had just gotten settled, I had just put a deposit for phone service, just printed up business cards with that address....blah, blah, blah. My phone was turned on 3 days before I left. I had been off-line for 3 weeks. Now I get a phone, and get three days, and I am back off. It required another hefty deposit to get it moved. 3 more weeks without a phone. The worst part was that I ended up moving into a room that was half the size of what I had been living in for a year. I hate it. No phone, no space, no money, my job sucks... great month so far.
But in all the turmoil, good reared it's head. While moving out, I met a very cute woman who was moving in. A few pleasantries and she said we should get together sometime. BINGO! The one side of my new life I haven't addressed. Women. Well I didn't think twice. I got moved in, and the next day went over to ask her out to dinner. Unfortunately, another guy was there and they had already eaten. I was invited to stay and watch football and drink with them. I don't drink, but I stayed. Good conversation, decent game, and then he had too much & they got into it. She kicked him out and I decided to leave. She wanted to go with me, so I headed up to the hangout up the street for crablegs and to watch the game with a pretty lady on my arm. Well I enjoyed it for awhile, but the previous drinks hit her and she was obviously drunk. After grabbing me and kissing me several times, she headed for the bathroom and never came back. So much for my first date kinda...LOL. Saw her the next day, and she didn't remember anything after getting there. Tooooooo much.
Another good thing is that I found out from this woman about a program that included schooling, tools, transportation, books, boots, and more to learn carpentry. She was in it, and they were still looking for more students. After a few days thought, I joined up. I had always liked building things, and here was a chance to learn a career and get paid for learning it. Besides becoming a carpenter is a lot cooler than staying a waiter. I'd always wanted to do something like this, so I took the opportunity. It has been great. School all day, work at night, and fun on the weekends along with work. I asked "D" out again, we had a very nice dinner and conversation. For Thanksgiving we decided to go to a movie, but it didn't work out, and she ended up fixing me dinner. My first Thanksgiving as a man, and I get to spend it with an intelligent and beautiful women.
It's funny that before I had worried about spending Turkey day with family. I wanted to be with them, but not take the steps backwards it seems to take. I don't want to fight to be called Devin. That is my legal name, that is who I am, I know they forget, but some of them don't seem to try as hard as I want them to. They are so wonderful, but they only see me a few times a year, and they haven't really come to grips that it isn't something they have a choice in. It's not something they can just do when they think about it. Anyhow, I didn't have to worry. I also worried about meeting a woman, asking her out, all those things. It was so easy, so natural. Telling her wasn't a problem either. She kinda figured it out after awhile, and when we finally did get around to talking about it, she was impressed with how "brave" I was. How to explain that doing what is in you heart, soul, mind and body takes no bravery. It only takes being. The brave part was in trying for 40+ years to be and live as who I was NOT. This is the easy part I think.
I am so different now. I am the same, but somehow more than I ever was. I could never figure out why I acted so different from how I really was inside. It didn't seem natural. Now things I could never do before I can do without thinking about them, stressing or worrying about them. Being confident is easy. Being alive is easy. Talking to people is easy. Making doeskins is easier. Making good decisions is better. So much crap has been removed from my thought processes and actions. Life is so much easier. I never thought I could do many of the things I am doing. So much fear in my life before. So many stops and obstacles I couldn't quite get over. It is truly amazing the gift I have now. Not just the ability to be true to myself, but I am so thankful for each day. I appreciate so much more than I did before. So much more than other people seem to. They take their lives for granted. Mine is so much more treasured for all that has gone before. I am so much happier now. It takes so much less effort to live. Nothing is as hard as it used to be. Just different, and good different at that.
Well I made it through one holiday, and another is yet to come. Like everything else, I bet it will be easier than I think it will. Guess I oughta sit back and relax and just let it be. Happy Holidays All!!
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